Baroness von Barrenness

Protest!

I think the chickens are protesting. We normally get a fresh egg every other day or so from them, but they haven't laid anything for a week. Maybe they know! (ha!)

Going to try to see the (only) village doctor today. Wish us luck!

Funny quote of the day

I lent a friend my copy of "The Birth of Venus" by Sarah Dunant. She emailed me today: "Dude. Alessandra just got it on with the painter last night. I was SO up past my bedtime."

HA!

-The Barrenness

Getting to know Detroit

It's orange barrel season on Michigan highways. I used to have an easy 50 mile/50 minute commute on I-94 and I-75/375. In April the trip increased from 50 minutes to 60-75 minutes when they started construction on the bridges at the I-94/US-23 junction. Last week it hit two hours when they started closing lanes on 94 closer to Detroit.

So in my effort to find faster ways to get to work and back, I've started exploring alternative routes. I-696 to M-14, I-75 to M-39, Fort Street to M-39, Michigan Ave to I-94.

You know what? THEY'RE ALL UNDER CONSTRUCTION. I don't think there's a single way to get home that doesn't involve stop-and-go traffic through work zones.

Yes, I know I should be thankful that they're improving roads and highways that really need it. But what I'm really appreciating (even though I'm not actually enjoying it) is that I finally feel like I'm getting to know the city better. I understand which highways go where. When I listen to the traffic report, I actually recognize the areas they're talking about (and have now been stuck in most of them.) I know multiple ways to get to the old Tiger Stadium. I know where at least one of the Hispanic neighborhoods is. I've driven under the bridge to Canada and high above the rail yards and gone round and round Campus Martius. I took a wrong turn at Congress and found myself on the ramp of the Cobo parking deck. I still haven't been by the new Comerica Park, but I'm sure I'll see that soon enough.

It might not be much, but at least when I go somewhere else in the world and tell people from Detroit, I don't have to feel like it's a complete lie.

-The Barrenness

Suburban home-owners' holiday weekend

We must be home-owners on a three-day weekend. Yesterday alone we made four trips to three separate hardware stores between the two of us.

The room formerly known as "the Margarita Room" (for its color - not for activities that ever took place or should have taken place there) has now been turned into more of a "Bunsen Honeydew Room" or a "Key Lime Pie Room." Maybe we'll just start referring to it as "The Dog's Room."

And the upstairs bathroom is getting some sanding and spackling and a fresh coat of paint. Mr. Baroness (bless his heart, I love him so) stayed home from work last week to work on the house. He's so sick of painting right now. Fortunately, I don't think there's much left to do. A little more paint around the light fixture, another coat rolled over the spackled area and a couple bits of touch-up here and there, and we should be able to reinstall the shower curtain and wash ourselves standing upright again.

And tomorrow for Memorial Day? Barbecue and wiffle ball!

-The Barrenness

Red squirrel and gray squirrel are not friends

Since starting the new job (and the hour-long commute), I haven't been able to sleep past 6:30 on the weekends. So this morning, while Mr. Baroness sleeps, I'm picking up around the house, folding laundry, doing dishes, debating whether or not there's time to start washing windows before I take El Perro to the park in 40 minutes.

In the meantime, there's some kind of RODENT RUMBLE going on in the back yard. Normally it's just the birds making all the racket this early, but this morning it's chattering and chucking and strange little barking. I can't translate, but whatever red squirrel did, gray squirrel is PISSED.

-The Barrenness

Desperate housewife

Nope - it is true. I can't do anything. I can't remove paint from hardware. I can't install window treatments. And I can't decide what to eat for dinner.

-The Barrenness

Everything's better...

with sunny skies, a full tank of gas and a CLEAN windshield.

Dutch update

Sooooo...the Dutch people who want to hire Mr. Baroness also happen to have a half-time opening for a Public Outreach Officer to build and maintain their web site, issue press releases, organize meetings and conferences and develop marketing materials. Must be proficient in written and spoken English. YES! So I sent my resume and they want to interview me ASAP.

Mr. Baroness talked with them this morning about the nitty gritty of income taxes, start dates and the realities of unfurnished Dutch apartments (no stoves?). It turns out that if they want to hire me for the other job, they would want me to start right away with him. WOW!

So tonight, instead of yardwork or fixing chipped paint in the house, we're going to take a nice long walk with the dog to figure out some of the logistics of how this might work out. Could we empty the house and get it on the market while finishing out two weeks at work? What do we do if it doesn't sell? (The market really is crap right now for trying to sell.)

How much would my boss and coworkers hate me if I gave them two weeks' notice this week? How much should I care?

-The Barrenness

GET OUT!

TO MY BOSS: I realize these so-called "walls" are only three feet high and therefor make it really convenient to talk to the secretary or hand her files from the comfort of my cubicle. And I realize you're my boss, so if you want to hinder my productivity and keep paying me for it, that's your prerogative. Actually, no. GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY CUBICLE. I think you can spare the 25 paces and walk around to her desk.

TO MY NEIGHBOR: You need to move away. If you yell at people because they park their cars on the street in front of your house, if you feel the neighborhood is being ruined because the other guy frequently holds large garage sales, if you judge the quality of a neighbor by his ability to provide you with a nice view out your window, or if you decide to put up a privacy fence and ask the neighbor to help pay for it, GET THE F*CK OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD, YOU OLD B*TCH.

Ahhhhh, thank you. I feel better already. We will now return to our regularly-scheduled sweetness and light.

-The Barrenness

Fun with "dog people"

El Perro was bitten by another dog at the off-leash park on Easter Sunday. It wasn't too bad - not a full-on attack - but enough to warrant a trip to the vet to get it cleaned out, some antibiotics and a requirement that the other dog remain on-leash while at the park. He's healing up just fine and doesn't seem at all bothered by it.

But last weekend we took him into a local doggy boutique store to pick up some new treats. Another customer noted his wound, inquired about what happened, and then told us very vaguely how she or someone she knows had a bad experience there. She tried to warn us away from buying a long-term pass to the park, saying that there were some crazy people there, and advised us instead to go to another city-owned park. (All city-owned parks here require leashes, although a lot of people allow their dogs to run off-leash and risk getting ticketed.)

There are some crazy people at the off-leash park? I thought there was a crazy person standing in front of me if she thought I was better off taking my chances at a place where there's absolutely no screening and everyone's a stranger, rather than a privately-owned park where all the dogs have at least gone through some temperament testing, are required to be up-to-date on their shots, and there's someone (the property owner) who knows most of the people who go there and has contact information for them should anything go wrong.

Crazy people, indeed.

And to top it off, the off-leash park now has a port-a-potty! Rock on!

-The Barrenness