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January 28, 2007





This is an excellent article. Thanks.

Crafty Canadian

Great suggestions but you are missing a big one - "Maybe if you lost some weight..."

The infertile brain hears "It's your own fault you can't get pregnant, if you had eaten fewer cookies maybe you'd have a baby." So now your not just broken, your fat too.

This one can come pop up with surprising frequency and from the most surprising places, however, it should only be given consideration if made by your doctor.


Hi everyone, I discovered a book that might be relevant to the topic discussed here.
It's called "The Natural Diet Solution for PCOS and Infertility" by Dr. Nancy Dunne.
It's a comprehensive book that covers dozens of topics. Here's a link to her
PCOS diet book's table of contents.


This is a very good article. This is one of the issues that bother me most. I have to learn that people speak too much about something they know so little.


Thank you for those observations! I've had every one of those comments said to me....Best wishes to all of us who struggle with infertility.


Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have these conversations all the bloody time and it drives me crazy - either that or people just avoid talking about it.......

Az Hassan

It's difficult to put on a deaf year at times, when you tried your best to appear calm & positive, but the truth you're crying silently inside your heart.


Another good response could be "I'm so sorry for your loss". I am barren, and I treat it as a death. It IS a loss and should be acknowledged as one.

GREAT article. Hope many read this and learn!


But...you haven't answered for the dumb folks like me trying to offer comfort to my sister...if I offer to talk about it with her when she wants to bring it up and she says yes...what do I say then? Just keep repeating "I'm sorry you're going through this?" Is there anything ELSE I can say besides that? I can't say "I'm here for you but I have nothing else to say." I don't know what to say. When I say "What can I do for you?" she doesn't know. Nor do I. I'm at a loss on how to help her.


I loved this article. Im gonna make copies and give it to each one of my family members. I have heard it all and it hurts especially coming from people who have no clue


The most painful thing I have heard so far has been from my Mother. My sister and I both have suffered from PCOS and Fibroid Tumors most of our adult lives. After many years of "trying" my sister was so ill she gave up and had a hysterectomy. I have been married 2 years and am 40. We have been unable to conceive at all and am being referred to a fertility specialist now. My Mother whines to both of her girls that she will never have a biological grandchild. She brings it up often and I cry every time. As if we don't feel horrible enough. She even sniveled to my sis and her hubby while she was still in the hospital recovering from her recent surgery. She has several grandchildren from my stepbrother. I guess the fact that they absolutely adore their Grammy is not good enough. Heaven forbid if any of the kids hear her complain about not having bio-grandkids. It would crush them too.

Malissa Hernandez

Thank you so much for writing this post. I have been dealing with these kinds of comments for years. I know that people mean well but sometimes they are extremely difficult to swallow. Keep writing!


I actually got asked last night if I was gonna focus on having puppies and dogs and not bother with babies. Lovely lady, NOT!


Thank you for the great advice. I'm in a situation, where a close frind is going thorough this process.As I know she has heard all these comments. But she is so hurting inside. Your advice has helped me greatly to be there for her.


Thank you for this... So many people do not understand what we are going through. This can help our loved ones understand what they say to us does hurt, and it is not just us being negative or to sensitive.


Thanks for your advice. My sister just discovered her ivf did not work and she feels she is done trying and is extremely sad. I love her deeply but am so scared anything I will say will wound her more. I consider myself a sensitive person, yet it is amazing how many of those no-no's have been on the tip of my tongue. I will stick to the supportive/loving/listening role and respect that she's responsible for deciding what to do next. THANKS.


Thank you so much for your article ! I have been struggling so much with comments that you mention... People don't do it on purpose but they just don't realize that what they say can hurt. Thanks

Sunless Tanning Lotion

Hey there, just wanted to say hello!


Thank you so much for posting this. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the past year. We just recently found out that we cannot have children, unless we opt in to do in-vitro and even then it's not a guarantee we will become pregnant. We have heard some very hurtful things from a lot of people. I have heard everything on this list plus more. Like some of the people who responded here, my mother was the one that said the most hurtful thing. My husband and I are both atheist. My mother told us that maybe if we just believed in god it would happen. I spent days crying over this and refused to talk with her. She didn't know why I was so upset until I was able to speak with her rationally. Since then she has come around and since we got our results she has been one of the most sensitive people on my side.

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