Baroness von Barrenness

So much for the doctor's appointment

The doctor called yesterday. He said that because I'd been treated at an American hospital, I had to be checked for the MSRA bacteria before I could go to the hospital in Meppel, lest I infect their facility with the antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

So I had to go back to the huisarts this morning to have cultures taken (nose, throat and perineum - fun!). It'll take about a week to get the results back, and THEN I can reschedule the GYN and ultrasound appointment.

I understand why they need to test. And I understand that the Dutch are more laissez-fair about the whole pregnancy thing than Americans are. But it does seem really strange that I'm now nearly seven weeks along, and it'll probably be ten weeks before I have this pregnancy confirmed by blood test (or ultrasound at that point) and have the standard tete-a-tete with a doctor about "Don't drink, don't smoke, eat your veggies" and whatnot. I guess it's really not necessary since I think I pretty much know all that already. But it's weird.

And it also means that we will definitely have to wait until about I'm about ten weeks along to tell any of our family or friends.

Reflecting on our fourth wedding anniversary

Our fourth anniversary! In some ways it seems so much further away than that. This isn't the ideal way to celebrate, with Charles in Poland, but I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be pregnant with having him here this one day. And I know he would feel the same way.

I looked through photos today from the rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception and some from our honeymoon in Korea. I hadn't realized how much of our wedding I've pushed myself away from emotionally because of infertility. We were together almost nine years before we got married. We waited part of that time because of school and part of that time trying to ensure a stable financial situation. But we really didn't move to get married until we were ready to settle down.

As much as our wedding was a celebration of our love and making a public commitment to each other, it was about joining our two families to start one of our own. Maybe more so than the other reasons.

For that reason I was so happy that our parents put together the slide shows of family photos for the rehearsal dinner (even if I was worried about the length). And that Charles' parents presented the hahm with his grandparents' Bibles and halmoni's norigae and the blue and red silks for my Mom to choose from blindly (boy or girl?). And I was proud to perform paebaek and catch so many dried dates in my scarf. (And later to see the very tree they came from at Sanso, his family's burial ground.) It really was a ridiculous number of dates - probably closer to the number of eggs retrieved in our two rounds of IVF than would be even physically possible to conceive and deliver in the course of one marriage. But it was important and it was fun and it was everything our marriage represented.

But in coping with our infertility, in trying to come to terms with the idea that we might never have kids of our own, I distanced myself from that aspect of our wedding. In my mind it was a great wedding, a fun party surrounded by family and friends, a beautiful occasion to celebrate our love. But I'd forgotten about the family focus until I looked through those photos again today.

And it's so nice - to finally be pregnant on our anniversary - to be able to reclaim those memories and the feelings of that special day.

And it helps ease my mind, too, from some of my concerns about giving birth here - about the care I'll receive, about the birthing process, about missing out on some of the traditions that go with having a baby in the States, about how in the world we're going to prepare here all by ourselves without the convenience of a registry and showers and Babies 'R' Us and advice from knitting buddies who've been there.

In five, ten, 20, 50 years, it probably won't matter if I used the Bradley method or an epidural. Or that we didn't have a nursery to decorate in a house of our own. It'll matter that we have a family and lived to see the dreams of our wedding day realized.

Now let's just hope everything goes well with the doctor Friday and maybe we can start sharing the good news with our families. Because this man has waited too long to have a son or daughter.

-The Barrenness

Yay! I hurled!

I have to admit I was a little worried this morning. With my cold subsiding, my energy seemed to be coming back and my appetite wasn't bad either. I was worried it was the end of my pregnancy symptoms.

And then the remnants of the cold - some phlegm - got the best of me. I coughed so hard to get rid of it that I ended up losing my breakfast. I'll take it as a good sign and try to stop worrying until we go see the doctor Friday.

-The Barrenness

I'm not the only one!

Princess Maxima pregnant with royal couple's 3rd child

25 September 2006

AMSTERDAM — Princess Maxima is pregnant with her third child, the government information service RVD announced on Monday.

"The birth of the third child of the Prince of Orange and Princess Maxima is expected in the second half of April 2007," the RVD said.

Full article here.

Melba Toast is my friend

I woke up this morning feeling better than I'd expected to. The sore throat is gone and my nose was dry. But when I got out of bed to go check email I get sort of light-headed. I still don't know whether to attribute it to the pregnancy or to the cold. (A stomach full of phlegm without having eaten yesterday?  Nice.)

I was definitely not feeling up to showering, walking the dog or going to work. I knew I should eat something, but nothing sounded good at all.

And then I remembered the Melba Toast! The Dutch seem to be really big on the whole melba toast and rusk cracker thing -- at least moreso than Americans. And the family from whom we're renting this house left THREE BOXES of melba toast in the kitchen. I'm so glad I hadn't thrown them out! And there are little individually-wrapped packets of five or sick crackers each so they're still fresh! I grabbed a packet, climbed back in bed and thumbed through What to Expect and Girlfriend's Guide to see if there was anything I could further discern about pregnancy-related nausea and morning sickness to try and discern it from regular old sickness.

In not too long the dog got out of bed and started whining to go out. I actually felt much better on our walk! The sore throat's gone, the phlegm is occasional and I've been eating a little today. I'm hoping that I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling more or less back to normal.

-The Barrenness

6 weeks and mild symptoms

Charles came back from his trip to the States yesterday, and I seem to have made it to six weeks today! I was afraid I would miscarry while he was away. Instead, I found myself so exhausted Thursday night I turned the light out by 9pm, and I woke up Friday morning with tender breasts. This is good!

Unfortunately, he left again today for some meetings in Poland, and I seem to be coming down with a cough and a sore throat. I'm still feeling exhausted, but can't contribute it with any certainty to  sleeping poorly, pregnancy or to the eight hours spent on the road this weekend to and from the airport.

The good news is that Charles comes back on Thursday, and we go meet the gynecologist and get an "echo" Friday. And that Charles brought me back some trashy American magazines and some nice, caffeine-free, herbal tea. And I'm going to go chill out on the sofa for the rest of the day. Vacuuming and dish-washing be damned.

-The Barrenness

Holy maternity leave!

One other thing I learned: Dutch women get up to 16 weeks paid maternity leave! Typically six weeks before the due date and ten weeks after the birth. I don't know what it is for part-timers like me, but it's got to be good!

Charles is my drug mule

Well...not exactly. He's been back in the States this week and has a whole shopping list of things we can't get here. The list started with rubbing alcohol, Sea Breeze and Ivory soap. Then I found out I couldn't get my favorite tampons here. He wasn't too keen on shopping for those, so I asked our (female) friend whom he's staying with to pick some up for me. SHE BOUGHT FIVE BOXES!

And then we found out I'm pregnant! So (knock on wood) I won't even need the tampons, but we don't want our friend to know yet, so he can't just leave them at her house.

Now I need him to bring prenatal vitamins and herbal tea. I also asked for an English-language version of What to Expect When You're Expecting to replace the one I gave away when we moved, plus a copy of The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy since I don't have anyone over here to give me the lowdown on what I'll be going through.

I hope he'll have room in his suitcase to bring all this stuff!

End of protest

The chickens seem to have ended their protest. There was an egg in the coop yesterday afternoon. (And a freshly-laid egg that is still warm to the touch is strange indeed!)

Things I've learned

I typed up this huge post last Friday chock full of all the things I'd learned so far about having a baby in the Netherlands, and then TypePad was down when I tried to save it. Damn! I'll try to remember it all but may add dribs and drabs as I remember and learn more along the way.

1. A village may only have one doctor's office in it (the huisarts or GP), and that's the only one you're allowed to go to. If necessary, he or she may refer you to a GYN.
2. Prenatal care here consists of regular check-ups but typically only includes one "echo" during the course of a pregnancy. They also do not offer tests like the triple screen or amnio as a matter of routine unless there is significant reason to do so.
3. Most Dutch women deliver their babies at home with the assistance of a midwife. This was true in our area until January, when it was decided that the population was growing too much to be able to support that (not, I assume, because of the at-home births). Now all babies in our area are delivered at one of three hospitals, each about a half-hour from where we live.
4. Dutch women deliver their babies naturally -- without pain medication. It is available, however, if you are very clear, up-front and adamant with your doctor that you want it.
5. If there are no complications in birth, the mother can expect to go home with her baby the same day or the next day for post-natal care. She will also have the help of a kraamverzorgster, a professional who will come into the house for a few hours every day during the first week to check on mother and baby, help with feeding, changing, and even help with cooking, household chores and taking care of other small children in the house.

-The Barrenness